Passive-Aggressive behavior gets a bad rap
I’m always getting flack from people for being, “passive-aggressive.” While I’m a loudmouthed asshole on my blogs, in person I tend to hint at what’s bugging me.
People think of this as a weakness, but I disagree. Passive-aggressive behavior isn’t just for my benefit.
Let’s say I’m sitting alone, reading. Then you plunk down next to me and start telling me about your day. And I don’t care. Which would you prefer:
A) Me sitting and stewing, waiting for you to finish so I can continue with my book, or
B) Me telling you point-blank that I don’t care.
Most people would say they prefer B, but think about that for a second. When people are honest with you about things you don’t want to hear, you think of them as rude. You might even be non-passive-aggressive about it and tell them you think that’s selfish, or “but I listen to your stories,” or why do you have to be such a dick?
In my case, I am a complete dick. I know this. So much so that I not only don’t want to hear about your day, I don’t want to engage in a conversation about why I don’t want to hear about your day. I just want you to fuck off. If I tell you I want you to fuck off, chances are you won’t - or, you’ll fuck off for a while, only to return with an attitude.
I could take the third route and lie, and say, “oh my God! I think I left milk in my car!” and run away, but that’s passive-aggressive too. If you prefer that, then you’re the selfish one: You expect someone who was sitting alone, minding their own business, to put extra effort into keeping you from feeling bad. Why should I lie to you? Why should I leave?
In most situations, I’m simply passive-aggressive because I don’t want to give someone else more information than I’m comfortable with. For instance, why am I writing this post? I could tell you, but then what if that person were to read this? Then I’d have to confront them. And I’d rather not. Would it be better to have it out with this person, only to be worse off for it afterwards? Or should I say nothing, then sit and stew over it, until I go berserk and buy a house for my Goddesses and say, “Winning!” all the time?
No, I think I’ll do it my way - tell you as much as I feel like telling you, and let you deal with that however you want.
